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Kranga-doo, the “Head Fly-dooter” (Lt. Commander in earth rankings), was halfway through his doonut (very much like the earth donut – but made from aluminium scrapings), when perched on his earth-vantage-point aboard the HMS Doomary IV, his super-dooper-hypervisionscope showed a kind of a big shiny ball descending on that highly populated island, earthlings called Manhattan. He dropped the half-eaten doonut into the doost-bin and leaned forward for a closer dook…um…look. 

“Holy Dung of Doo! Is it that time of the year already?”, he exclaimed.

You see, one Doogood-year equaled 2601 Earth-years – and as far as the Doogooders (residents of the planet Doogood) were concerned, Earthlings celebrated too much, and that too for too little. 

Kranga-Doo immediately summoned his ship leader, the Head Commandooter (Wing Commander in Earth rankings), to the bridge. The Head Commandooter, who liked to be called Dr. Doo-little (his real name was Jus-Doo-it – but he had a penchant for talking to imaginary earth animals), was well talking to his imaginary doog (much like the earth dog)…when he got Kranga-do’s message to come to the bridge, on the PA system. He groaned at the thought of shuffling all the way to the bridge. “This better be blodoo important…” he muttered, as his lifted his heavy frame from the bed, and made his way to the command center.

“What did you doo now?” he asked Kranga-doo.

Between mouthfuls of a fresh doonut, Kranga showed him the video screen of the hypervisionscope. Crazy Earthlings were behaving crazier than usual at various points on the planet… they were dancing, drinking and engaging in all kinds of debauchery. Doolittle, shook his head… “Holy Mother of the Doo-gods! Is it that time of the year already?”

“It sure looks like it…” said Kranga-doo, zooming in on his image of the ball on Times Square. “Their new year is beginning.”

Doolittle thought of the 15 doo-months that his ship had been monitoring this planet and the hundred and seventy four times he had seen this nonsense…and every single time he had asked himself the question – “Why?” Throughout the year they despaired, cheated, lied, destroyed their planet, waged wars – year after year nothing changed…and suddenly once a year they went berserk in celebrations!

“Well, this time, I guess they deserve to party a bit…” Dolittle said wisely. “The last earth-year has been pretty bad for them…”

“Yeah…” agreed Kranga-doo “but really, look at them, behaving as if drinking and partying will make their troubles go away… I have never really understood Earthlings… care for a doonut?”

“No thanks…” said Doolittle “gotta watch my weight, am going to doo Mrs.Doolittle next month. You see, Earthlings are like children. Like, back home in Doogood, we see that children keep falling down and hurting themselves…but are back up the next instant with a smile and spring in their step? Same thing here… children, all of them.”

“But, back home, we don’t give the planet to the kids to run…”, said Kranga-doo. 

“True…” said Doolittle thoughtfully. “And to put it frankly, our kids handle money better than the earthlings doo. My my…what a mess they created in 2008!”

“Like a financial doo-poo…” chuckled Kranga.

The humour was lost on Doolittle, not known for his taste for poo-jokes. He continued viewing the bachanalia on the screen “… and look at the way they fight. I mean there are bad kids and bullies in Doogood too…but one whack on their doo-heads and they straighten out. Here, they keep fighting, killing each other…”

“Yeah…but they did something very uncharacteristic this year, and chose a leader with promise.” said Kranga-doo, referring to a dark man who had captured the imagination of the Earthlings.

“See…that’s the thing about Earthlings – they are inconsistent. They are good at times, they behave badly at times… and just look at what they are doing to their planet. Such a beautiful planet… can provide so much happiness to them. But like children they don’t know where to stop! They keep using and mis-using… I wish someone would give them that whack on the head.”

“Just give me the order…” said a trigger-happy Kranga-doo, with his finger hovering over the super-dooper-hyperlaser button. 

“No no… one doesn’t kill a child for behaving badly. Not so soon anyway. At this point all we can do is, hope that they grow up. This next earth year is really their last chance…”

“You know that our orders for waiting and watching ends in a doogood-week.” said Kranga-doo who was itching to press the button.

“I am aware of that Kranga” said the wise Doolittle. “But, just look at them. Dancing, singing, prancing and making fools of themselves – without a care in the world. There is some kind of purity in this foolishness. Some of kind of naive innocence. Let’s give them one more earth year.”

“If you say so…” said a disappointed Kranga-doo. “But can I just shoot the ball from here. I would LOVE to look at their faces when their precious ball explodes above them…”

“You do have a naughty childish streak in you, you know that Kranga?” said Doolittle as he rolled his eyes. “Maybe you are turning into them… alright go ahead.”

“Yabba Dabba Doo!” cried Kranga as he aimed the super-dooper-hyperlaser on the shiny ball and pressed the trigger. “Happy New Year Earthlings! Remember to Doogood in 2009…or else!”