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“I live my life from Diwali to Diwali.” – Lindsay Lohan, during a especially drunken stupor, outside a Hollywood nightclub, as a response to the paparazzi question: “WTF?”

To this response, the cheesed-off paparazzi replied while trying to get desperate upskirt shots, “WTF?”

Another supine paparazzi asked hoping that LL would kick someone in the nuts and he would get the prized shot…”Why the f*** do you care so much about a silly robot? Is it another weird sexual game you play with Sam?”

LL displaying a sense of zen beyond her weight and years replied with the smile of a woman on – sorry, in – ecstasy. “It’s not The Wall-E you platypus, it is Di-waal-eee. It is where kids make cracking sounds with guns and the parents consume shitloads of calories.” And then proceeded to kick someone in the nuts.

The supine paparazzi – having got his shot – quickly got up, and asked, “Hey that sounds like my neighborhood in LA…so what’s so great about it?”

LL swung on one foot and before connecting with the guy’s ear with a Matrix like gravity defying kick, “No, you sicko! It is the time of year when even dysfunctional families have something to cheer about – and poor people look at the sparkling rich and wonder if the next diwali will be the same.” This being a long dialogue, lots of paparazzi got their shots – before realizing in dismay the the price of each shot had just crashed.

The once-again-supine paparazzi looked up at the angelic figure of LL and said before passing out,”So, I guess I will just pass out now. Happy Di…di…di…”

LL smirked loudly, took her wig off and threw it in the air. Then she turned at all the confused photographers and said like a true heroin (sorry, heroine), “Unless you vultures want to get blown up into bits like a fake Sivakasi product – you all better go home, kiss your wife, buy new clothes for your kids, clean behind the bed and your ears, hug the obscure relative and don’t, I repeat, don’t disturb my pup with loud bombs. IT IS DIWALI TIME FOLKS! KEEP IT CLEAN!”


This was a Community Service Message brought to you by the good folks at Grimescene and Lindsay Lohan. Happy Diwali. 😉