Dhruv isn’t well. He is coughing and wheezing – and last night his supper exited from the wrong end. So? Kids fall sick all the time don’t they? And its only a cough…

Try telling that to a parent. It pains me every time I hear a cough from his small cute mouth. My body wrenches in pain…every time his does. My eyes water every time his well up after an attack. I run around like a headless rooster trying to figure out what to give him and make all of this go away. I send silent (and sometimes not so silent) prayers to whoever is listening, asking that I get the cough and he becomes ok. Last night I slept very unsoundly – trying to calm his coughing by tapping him, by kissing him…by doing whatever my untrained mind told me to do. I feel so helpless most of the time when he is suffering. Then this morning I lay him on my lap and I could see that he hadn’t slept so well. I asked him “How’s my baby?” He looked at me with his big eyes in a way that I cannot describe – as if imploring “Papa… you are the best… why can’t you make this go away?” And he just shook his tiny mushroom head.

My heart jolted. I put on my happiest face and told him “Arre…its just a cough! My Dhruvi is a brave boy…and it will be ok before you know it!” I don’t think my voice carried the conviction that would have made him believe. I don’t think he believed.

Despair again. And as any foolish parent – I decided to take him to the doc today. For a cough. I sometimes wonder if we go to the doctor for ourselves…and not for the child. The pain is too much bear. For us. Maybe I should just pat him on his bottom and send him off to play… and have faith that its just a cough…and it will disappear. But that would require a stronger person than I…

Oh! Pain.