It’s all about the money…honey

Imagine your friendly neighbourhood accountant or stock-broker dressed in camouflage, hiding behind a stack of ledgers and cheque-books, and firing off rounds at terrorists from a double-barrelled fiscal gun. With thick glasses cracked and foggy, receding hairline hidden with war paint and magazines of lethal economic policies resting safely on the belly – this accountant would put the fear of God in the hearts of anyone thinking of terrorizing our country. And now imagine that accountant to be Chids the FinMin…and you will realize this is the script of a future B-movie titled “Revenge of the Nerds – V” … Or that is what R. Vaidyanathan suggests in a highly entertaining article in Subhash Chandra’s PR machine – DNA. (Thanks to Dee for affecting a great start to the morning…)

Twelve steps to shock-and-awe Pakistan’s economy http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?newsid=1212468&pageid=0

At the outset…this kind of journalism is like a breath of fresh air. Bloggers have been speaking their minds freely about subjects they don’t have much of a clue about for ages – Grimescene is oft guilty too - what are blogs but extraneous representations of the muddle within our minds? But printing this as a “viewpoint” in a self-proclaimed-major-newspaper? Brave… very brave. Maybe DNA thought – lets put something controversial up… lets see if someone actually visit’s our website…

Well Mr.Chandra…I do. I really think DNA is cool, especially since you started dropping free copies at my doorstep to post higher circulation numbers. But I also think that you should exercise some kind of editorial discretion to ensure that gung-ho theorists from major thinktanks (R Vaidyanathan is a Prof at IIM-B) don’t run amok on your pages. Sure not many read your stuff…but hey, once it’s out there – it’s out there forever, and someone’s RSS feed will pick it up, and bloggers with nothing else to write about go on and on about it.

The article in question is about how we should “Destabilize Pakistan’s Economy” to bring an end to Terror Central. For some reason – or maybe he is a fan of “The Dirty Dozen” – RV chose to list 12 ways to perpetrate this war of the nerds. The intentions are honorable, I must say. Economic policies and embargoes are veritable instruments of war in a world which as defined by economic transactions as physical boundaries. But really, dropping fake Pakistani currency by air to create havoc is a bit too sensationalist for my taste. (Maybe he couldn’t think of a 12th one… maybe he should have just named the article “Crazy Economists XI – The Game Plan”) And I find the idea of offering Indian Passports to Pakistani scientists to hurt their pride a bit childish.

RV goes on to argue that our Government and its thinkers and leaders aren’t thinking or leading. He accuses them of not using Economic tools to solve our terror woes. True. But really, isn’t it a bit naive to think that choking Pakistan’s cash inflows will lead to the demise of the terror forces within that country? Aren’t we giving the bumbling Pakistani government too much credit? RV proposes hitting their exports, arm-twisting other countries to reduce or stop investments in Pakistan, “creating” agents within Pakistan to destabilize the stock market further (if that’s even possible) – basically pushing Pakistan deeper into its mire of financial woes, than it already is in.

I am no expert in Economics, Politics and International Trade – and speaking from behind the safety of my blog’s disclaimer – I think what you are proposing will cause major civil unrest in Pakistan, cause the government to fall and bring back the dreaded military into power – which will in effect bring us back to square one. I believe an ineffectual democracy is still a democracy – and God knows we do not need another Afghanistan.  

You will hit the common man more than the elitist army who can get their funding from rich Pakistanis around the world. The terrorist organizations within Pakistan have enough and more sympathizers around the world. They will still get the funding. The common man in Pakistan will suffer, and more jobless, misguided youth will go and join the terror networks – which will thrive on the chaos and depression around them.

Mr. RV & Mr. Chandra - I think your ideas are highly entertaining and would make a great storyline for a novel… a couple of them might even find favor within the hallways of our government. I am hurting as much as anyone, with these terror strikes – and appreciate you speaking your mind out and calling for urgent action. 

But really, do as I do. Start a blog.

Breathless

…that’s what my country is today. It took us five decades to shed four centuries worth of oppression – this new millenium ushered in a new India. Those of us capable (and who had the opportunities) went along gleefully, working hard without stopping to take a breath, thinking that if we run hard enough, we will leave all our troubles behind. Call it optimism or naivete… this is what we as a collective have decided to do.

To hell with the naysayers, damn you if you don’t believe in the new India. Today we are shining, and the sheen is of our sweat and blood.

Who’s got the time for tears? Who cares if sometimes our blood is taken from us…along with lives, souls and families? We are breathless.

We believe in the power of education…and we have more engineers than anyone else in the world. The poor from the villages don’t need to study – who will drive our rickshaws and taxis? 

We believe in the power of intellect and we are working breathlessly to regain the glory of Aryabhatta. We are the heroes of the zeroes.

Our cities are growing faster than any in the world – our property prices are higher than those in Manhattan. Even the guys living under the flyovers are lucky!

We have the muscle today to buy foriegn companies – may the sun never set on the Indian empire!  We live and die by the Electro-Cardio-Gram of the Sensex. We breathe with the frequency of Mumbai’s local trains. And you tell me – our freedom is in danger? Shame on you!

We are guided by our principles of non-violence and peace – and we think that non-violence equals not fighting. Gandhi would have been proud of us no? 

We are secular – we believe all religions are equal and all Indians (from our side of the LOC) are our brothers and sisters. We believe that this gives our brothers in the Indian Mujahideen and their franchises to slap us in the face every now and then. What are a few spats between brothers we say. I love you my brothers…go ahead, rape and pillage…and I will love you still. Because frankly… we don’t care.

Because we are breathless in our success.

We are content with the status-quo in Kashmir – as long as we have our jobs. We want to keep talking with our neighbours… and because we believe in the half-full glass… we think they are swell. We are growing faster than we ever have before…and faster than most of the world. We have set our sights high… and we are constantly looking at the fireworks in the sky.

Boom! and flash of light and colours – we think we deserve the celebration, the adulation and the respect of the world. Boom! The ones in the marketplaces and the railway stations get lost in the fireworks above. We have to keep looking up. Keep moving forward.

If we run fast enough…we will leave our troubles behind.

Let us throw a 1000 new cars on the road for every mangled bike. Let us create a thousand new engineers for every broken life. Grace under pressure. Grit under duress.

Sure there are troubles around us and sure we had that fight yesterday - but isn’t it great that we have a nationwide pandemic of Alzheimers (which usually hits in the 60s…how apt for India!) and we tend to forget our spats and try to get along?

Come join me my brothers and sisters in my breathlessness. Run as fast as I am running…and soon you will leave your troubles behind.

Meanwhile…if you really want to know what Mumbai means to a true-blue Mumbaikar – read this: http://wisdomwearsneonpyjamas.wordpress.com/2008/11/29/of-home-heart-and-horror/ - The words are almost as beautiful as the city…

Images of Change

Some images from the Obama Victory celebrations in Chicago. All CNN screen caps…

1) Composed and Confident in victory:

2) Family is always first:

3) The couples in power…

4) Emotional. This is a dream come true for Black americans.

5) Caucasians are happy too…

6) Obama’s campaign was not about one man…it was a movement of millions.

The World has changed

Just caught the news at CNN.com… Obama has garnered 297 333 electoral votes. That is 27 63 more than that is required to gain majority and win. Though the election is not over yet – it can be safely said that Obama will be the 44th president of the United States of America.

Though it is amazing that it took 43 terms for a Black president to come to power – it is also amazing that a Black president has come to power in the most powerful nation on earth. This represents more than a sea change in the way world will view issues such as race and religion.

This is much more than a win for the “other” party in one nation… this is the dawn of a new era. Lets just hope he lives up to all that hype.

Congratulations Mr.Obama…your job has just begun.

Edited: Watching Obama’s victory speech at Chicago live on cnn.com… this is one of the best speeches I have heard – and it is already clear that Obama is going to be a “Center” president – not left nor right. He began by thanking McCain and calling him a great leader – before he congratulated his campaign team and family. He said that we hold the same values as Republicans of Individual Liberty – and though the Democratic party has won comprehensively today, the victory comes with a sense of humility. And for the people who didnt vote for Obama…he assured that he hears them and he will be their president too. He acknowledged that his job would be the repair the divides in the country…because this is a time for the country and the world to be one.

The Eleventh Commandment

Thou shalt toil to bring change to the world.

So…the time to choose the “Most Powerful Man on Earth” is nigh. As has been mentioned a million times by a frenzied media-on-steriods…this is probably one of the most historic races for the US presidency, ever. One doesn’t need to be a “Senior Political Correspondent” to figure out why. My 10 reasons why this election has been one heck of showdown:

#1: An African-American with Islamic roots and a Woman fought each other for the Democratic Nomination – African-American wins (Grimescene wrote about this here: http://grimescene.wordpress.com/2008/01/22/why-obama-should-win-and-why-he-wont/)
#2: The Elections are to replace a president and a government that has probably touched the nadir of popularity
#3: The age difference between the Dem and Rep nominees is a quarter of a century
#4: Obama’s rise to power has been probably the swiftest in the history of American politics
#5: Never has a US election been so eagerly watched by a Global Audience…with the nominees visiting heads of state in Europe and Asia. And these guys aren’t even president yet!
#6: The largest voter turnout in 100 years is expected – African-Americans, Latinos and Young Folk are expected to turn up in large numbers
#7: McCain reinforced the title of “Maverick” by selecting a total “wild-card” (Palin) as his running mate – while the other ”Wild-card” (Obama) chose a guy with a tendency to put his foot in his mouth (Joe Biden). The jury on that one is split. (Grimescene covered this here: http://grimescene.wordpress.com/2008/08/05/the-hillary-conundrum/)
#8: America is facing the two largest threats it has in modern history: Terrorism and The Economy. The incumbent will inherit a Pandoras Box of issues – and neither candidate has been able to inspire bulletproof confidence on how they will handle them. Maybe right now the Elephant is too large to view as one whole.
#9: It has also been the most acrimonious campaign in recent memory – “terrorist” and “pig” are just two examples of names being given to the other candidate.
#10: Both campaigns – esp. Democrats – have spent record amounts of money on the internet, television and other media. Obama ditched the traditional public-financing system – and used his charm and connections (and the internet) to raise $639 million as of last week. The highest ever. McCain stuck to the old route and could manage “only” $360 million.

As of today, Obama leads in all nationwide and most statewide polls – and that too by a healthy margin. For the 31 states which allow pre-voting – the turnout has been unprecedented – especially amongst Dem voters. Even the typically accurate and politcally neutral Economist has Barrack on this week’s cover which says “IT IS TIME”.

Yes, it is time. Forget about their stands on policies or their solutions for the problems of the world. If the US President is but a figurehead of tremendous power and influence – then Obama is the Moses  of the modern world. He is fearless and passionate – and speech after speech, debate after debate – he has come out as a man on a mission. And way the seas are parting for him…I would say he is on a mission from God. The wise ones say that “It ain’t over till it’s over!” I say – as we go into the Eleventh Hour - it was over the day Barrack Obama decided to stand for President of the United States. Because that day, suddenly and almost miraculously, millions of people decided to follow the Eleventh Commandment.

Thou shalt toil to bring change to the world.

The Limerick Raj

There was once a man called Raj Th****ay,
Who vowed to keep outsiders at bay.
He shouted and screamed,
“All from UP and Bihar should be creamed!
Who cares if they built Mumbai with their toil?
They should go because they are not sons of our soil.”

He took a bunch of idiots and made an army,
And asked Bachchan to leave; how barmy!
So, with many a luminary a fight did he pick,
Ranting and raving like a deranged lunatic,
He claimed ownership of India’s greatest town,
Proceeded to riot and pillage to make the police frown.

Guess what Raj, you dimwit,
Your ideas amount to horseshit.
What matters is what you do, and not from where you hail,
Which is why now, your sorry ass is in jail. (wish it were without bail.)
‘Tis obvious no one taught you to be human in school,
because finally, you have trumped your uncle as the bigger fool.

- a very pissed off Mumbaikar.

Edited: As pointed out by Dee this is not a limerick in its truest sense. A limerick has 5 lines…in a,a,b,b,a format. Just wanted to do a take on “The License Raj”… Hope I am granted a bit of “poetic license”…

A letter to Americans

Dear Yankee/Gringo/Amriki/Amerikaner/American,

the world is watching you again.

Not with eyes of hatred or fear or envy – but with eyes of hope. In just three weeks, the present and future of six billion humans will be altered by 170 million of their brothers and sisters who are citizens of the most powerful political unit in the world. That includes you.

This is not an endorsement for Mr. McCain or Mr. Obama. I want you to understand that when you decide to spend an hour of your time, and cast your vote – you are contributing to the world in a way that is much larger than just a vote. When you drive down to your local election center and exercise your choice – you are representing the voices, fears and hopes of billions who look upon you to do that right thing. These voices you may never hear with your ears, these billions you may never see with your eyes – but we know you exist. We are aware that you represent a power more real and more potent than any other in the history of humanity. We are not fools to be swayed by the hegemony of your political leaders. We are not afraid of your nuclear arsenal or the fact that you sport more aircraft carriers than the rest of the world combined. We are not devastated when your government makes hasty and misinformed decisions of military action – or  when your financial institutions destroy themselves in a tornado of avarice. What devastates us is that you brought that government into power, and that you fueled the greed of men with your insatiable desire for a better life. What scares the bejesus out of us is that you will not spend as much on Christmas gifts as you did last year, or that you will default on your mortgage. Because the true power of America lies in the ka-ching at Walmart, and gallons of fuel you consume. Your true power shows when one of your countrymen donates his time and billions to fight someone else’s war against tyranny or disease. What you do, my dear American friend, affects my life and the lives of billions who haven’t taken the Oath of US citizenship.

Even with all the wars that you have been involved in – America has lead the world in peace. In civil liberty. In racial equality. In the triumph of the individual dream over state. In economic freedom. In technology and what it can achieve. In democracy. Time and again – you have fought your demons with a fierceness and resolve that we admire, and hope to emulate. But was it a government that brought about these changes? Was it a single omnipotent leader? No. It was you, living in a Chicago Suburb, with a station wagon, wife, two kids and Bingo.

We are confident that you will fight the demons facing you today with the same resolve. Because we know that the real power of America is you – because you decide who will be your face to the rest of us. We do not envy you, my dear American. As they say, “Wary lies the head, that wears the crown”. We have no doubt that you wear the crown today. So we look to you to do the right thing and lead the way as a leader should – without prejudice, without being swayed by sloganeering, remarks on lipsticks and pigs, or by the color of someone’s skin.

You, as an American live a privileged life. It is time again for you to earn that privilege and bring about the change we all deserve.

May November 4th be the new Independence Day.

Yours Truly / Your Friend,

A representative of the rest of the world.

It’s SHOWTIME!

Observers sitting at a safe distance from the hullabaloo in the US – looking at the Woodstock-Oscars-Democratic Party Convention hybrid, can gloat with self-righteousness and chastise them for the farcical showmanship put up in the name of democracy, change and a new-age leadership. Yes…today was end of day two of the Dem Party Convention at Denver – and though I caught fleeting glimpses on CNN, I ended up doing the same. What a show! Michelle Obama comes to stage as the keynote speaker and “demystifies” that wonder-man who is her husband and possibly the future president of the United States. The crowd is moved to tears – most probably egged on by overeager cameramen. Then their little girls come on stage and one of them says, “I love you Daddy.” And Daddy, with look of pure affection says,”Take care of Mommy, until I am back on Thursday.” Thus securing a million more votes belonging to starry-eyed Americans desperately clinging on to some notion of the perfect American family life. And all this broadcast live and emotional to the entire world…as if saying…you Arabs, while you send your children to Madrasas and teach them to hate and kill – here we are living our perfect technicolour lives. Guess who is the loser here. Bring on the butter popcorn, dr.pepper and beef jerky – Las Vegas be damned…the world’s largest show has begun.

But, don’t gloat. Indians are no different. We are all suckers for larger-than-life… because our current lives are too small and boring for us. We are so overwhelmed by the glitz and the glamour that we get confused between Gods and men. Between actors and leaders.

Yesterday, Telugu superstar Chiranjeevi launched ‘Praja Rajyam’ (people’s rule) – the latest political party which claims to fill a gaping hole in the overcrowded Indian political landscape. This happened in Tirupati…and apparently the crowd went wild with emotion when they saw him descending down the steps of the temple. In slow motion no doubt. He says that it would be a “secular…pro-poor party.” Now which hole is it filling, exactly? It’s like Coke distinguishing itself as the only carbonated sweet drink.

Monotone political dogmas aside…what sickens is the Beatles-like mania that just the sight of him created. (At least the Beatles didn’t claim to change the world!) Standing in front of one of the most cherished of Hindu temples – thousands of people were screaming “Jai Chiranjeeva”. Eh? Has he suddenly the same status as Tirumalai?

You know what? Let me be the devil’s advocate…maybe Chiranjeevi really wants to create change. He suddenly realized that he is like God to millions of people – and unhappy with the state of his fan-base, he decided to do something about it. (Sounds unbelievable I know…but lets just assume) What change do you think he can bring? The state of the country today is a complex interplay of historical, current, parochial and global factors… what will a muscleman-actor do other than provide sufficient distraction to the poor – so that they can stare at the stars in wonder, and forget about their hunger and nakedness? Will he be a person large enough not to become larger than himself – and actually become a servant of the people he has sworn to serve?

Politicians today take oaths of stardom than servitude. Because somehow there is this impression that people will only follow the stars…in the star lies the leader. It’s sad because this has rendered a huge section of the population (which includes me, and I am sure majority of my readers) apathetic and cynical. This country (and probably most of the democratic world) lies divided…and one day we will fall.

The Pink House!

Looks like the internet has become the frontline in the war for the US presidency.

Remember, I talked about the McCain campaign ad where Obama was compared to Britney and Paris? Well – what can I say except the fact that what goes around comes around.

This is the original ad.

Notice how McCain is specifically highlighting on Obama’s immaturity in saying no to offshore drilling. Now FunnyOrDie.com paid Paris Hilton to do a rebuttal.

“I am not old and I don’t want to bring change…I am just hot!” She purrs. Worth a look. And she wants to paint the white house PINK – and wants Rihanna as her running mate! Hilarious. And she uses words I am sure she doesn’t understand.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/64ad536a6d

The Hillary Conundrum

Never have I been more relieved to be proven wrong (except when my son arrived and destroyed my previous notion that I was good for nothing). In my last post on Obama – I had predicted he would not secure the democratic nomination. It is old news now – but he made it. And in time too…cos he and Hillary were going all guns blazing at each other, resulting in a very nervous Dem party HQ. As is so easily accepted in politics – almost overnight, after Hillary conceded victory to Obama, they became best friends. Apart from the “fist pump” (which I think he reserves for his wife) they hugged and kissed and made up (not ‘out’…thankfully). He called her an “amazing woman” and she called him a “great leader”. Naturally this camaraderie set tongues wagging about the most logical future for this partnership. Faster than one could say “Running Mate” – Hillary was announced as the best possible candidate for the post of the “Veep”.

He didn’t deny it outright – nor did she rule out the fact that she could be working under her former adversary. People loved it… for obvious reasons. Their fan clubs were mutually exclusive – with Obama appealing to people of color and the young – while older women and blue collar workers preffered Hillary. This alliance would get both of these factions together – “doubling” Obama’s chances of becoming president. I have to admit that they also look “good” together…both with easy effectual personalities – quick with a smile or a smart remark. They would be like Bonnie & Clyde or Moulder & Scully…just imagine the sensationalist tabloids going overboard with the sexual tension…my my – the White House would look more and more like a Hollywood ensemble…as it really is. On a more practical front Hillary would bring the “grey hair” and the practicality – which Obama purportedly lacks. The Vice President has been historically chosen as someone who “completes” the president. (If that is true the Dick Cheney must be Superman…) So Hillary fits the Bill perfectly. (No pun)

So the public is salivating with expectation, starry-eyed newspaper editors are glued to their seats with one finger hovering over the “Send” button. But – no announcement. Instead there is some migraine inducing talk about Virginia gov Tim Kaine and Joe Biden (isn’t he tired of losing?) and even magnate, NYC mayor and ex-Republican (?) Michael Bloomberg as potential candidates for Vice President. I was watching Anderson 360 this morning – and there was only one topic of discussion. Why in the blazes are they not announcing Hillary as the running mate for Obama? After all she comes with a free ex-president in tow. And I believe therein lies the problem.

Billary is probably the most famous couple after Brangelina (and Dictoria). The world watched with amazement as Hillary forgave her husband for his very public indiscretions…and continued to “stand by him”. Their story is one of courage and sacrifice – and has enabled both to sell books worth millions. The other day Bill was asked by some intrepid reporter “When you look back at Hillary’s campaign – do you feel any regret or realize that you could have supported her differently?” Bill replies in his trademark cool school teacher way “…there are more important issues to focus on right now…but let me tell you that I am not a racist and have made no racist comments about anyone.” – an obvious remark about the dirty fight between Obama and Hillary. But what is more interesting is the amount of screen time and mindshare that this small remark got from the media, analysts and the newspapers. Billary is probably more loved by the media than Obama. If Hillary becomes running mate for Obama – though it would look good on paper – she and her husband will “suck out all the oxygen” from the race – leaving Obama gasping for breath. They are just too visible – too high profile.

Obama is the star. And he needs to maintain that visibility he has worked so hard for. I don’t see him jeopardizing that for an excellent running mate like Hillary. To put it in other words – the Democrats need just one star to guide them to victory…another brighter one would just confuse everyone. Obama will be better off choosing someone with a low profile – but with the experience to further silence the sceptics.

Does this mean Hillary will have no more a role to play in the Democratic campaign for presidency? Of course not! She can still support Obama – continue hugging and kissing him and calling him a “Great Leader” – people love her, and will continue to do so even if she is not Veep. Barrack Obama has gained tremendous mileage in a very short time – and is converting sceptics every day. But the race is far from over. The last poll pegged his popularity only 3 percentage points higher than McCain – and the new Republican TV ads which compare Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are actually working (trust Americans to make that association with ease!). He can do with all the help he can get – and what better help than Billary as his supporters. As long as they let him hog the limelight.

P.S.: Hope I am proven wrong again!