It is that time of the year

“I live my life from Diwali to Diwali.” – Lindsay Lohan, during a especially drunken stupor, outside a Hollywood nightclub, as a response to the paparazzi question: “WTF?”

To this response, the cheesed-off paparazzi replied while trying to get desperate upskirt shots, “WTF?”

Another supine paparazzi asked hoping that LL would kick someone in the nuts and he would get the prized shot…”Why the f*** do you care so much about a silly robot? Is it another weird sexual game you play with Sam?”

LL displaying a sense of zen beyond her weight and years replied with the smile of a woman on – sorry, in – ecstasy. “It’s not The Wall-E you platypus, it is Di-waal-eee. It is where kids make cracking sounds with guns and the parents consume shitloads of calories.” And then proceeded to kick someone in the nuts.

The supine paparazzi – having got his shot – quickly got up, and asked, “Hey that sounds like my neighborhood in LA…so what’s so great about it?”

LL swung on one foot and before connecting with the guy’s ear with a Matrix like gravity defying kick, “No, you sicko! It is the time of year when even dysfunctional families have something to cheer about – and poor people look at the sparkling rich and wonder if the next diwali will be the same.” This being a long dialogue, lots of paparazzi got their shots – before realizing in dismay the the price of each shot had just crashed.

The once-again-supine paparazzi looked up at the angelic figure of LL and said before passing out,”So, I guess I will just pass out now. Happy Di…di…di…”

LL smirked loudly, took her wig off and threw it in the air. Then she turned at all the confused photographers and said like a true heroin (sorry, heroine), “Unless you vultures want to get blown up into bits like a fake Sivakasi product – you all better go home, kiss your wife, buy new clothes for your kids, clean behind the bed and your ears, hug the obscure relative and don’t, I repeat, don’t disturb my pup with loud bombs. IT IS DIWALI TIME FOLKS! KEEP IT CLEAN!”

***

This was a Community Service Message brought to you by the good folks at Grimescene and Lindsay Lohan. Happy Diwali.

Gobbledegook

Sometimes I feel this irresistable urge to put pen to paper (or in a convoluted modern way – log on to wordpress, click on dashboard, click on New Post, and type. Old way seems so much easier). I am feeling that right write now. I can think of a million things to write about…but the urge to write is so overpowering that I cannot seem to prioritize what to write about. This is so frustrating…it is almost like I am addicted to this thing. Gosh! Wonder if they have a Bloggers’ Anonymous. They should. After all, pointless blogging is injurious to everyone else except the blogger himself. You see…for him it is a release. It is like that crack of Nitrogen bubbles that escape your finger joints when you twist them. Yeah…a pointless blog is just gas. But since i have written these words in a rapid fire minute – I am feeling better already. I feel as if I have contributed to the global ocean of pointlessness with my pointless drivel. I am sorry if you are reading this…but a bloggers’ gotta do what he’s gotta do. Which is blog. I am almost done now.

No…wait a minute…have something else so pointless that I have been dying to tell the world about it.

The other day I saw a car (a pauvre Santro) with the words ARMY written on it. I can understand DOCTOR, PRESS – even ON DUTY (which is quite vague). But ARMY? What does it mean?

1) Is the DOD’s (Dept. of Defense) new secret weapon disguised as a Santro?
2) Does this give the crew-cut-bearing driver immunity from Civilian traffic rules?
3) Does it mean that I should feel safe that there are undercover RAW agents roving around keeping an eye on us defenseless souls? (That’s stupid, advertising ARMY on the car would hardly constitute as Undercover!)
4) Does it mean that the owner bought the car at half price along with a case of Old Monk, at the Army Canteen?
5) Is this a way for the Army to advertise that the Armed Forces Pay Grades have been revised? (Anyone who thinks that the military should be paid more – say YEAH!)
6) Does it mean that in times of crises or curfew – this guy will be let through without getting his car impounded?

There…i reached the conclusion myself. Still don’t see the point of advertising one’s reason of existence on the car. Like those 20000 odd cars in Mumbai with the Parsi “Fravashi’s” on them. Smiley bumper sticker – I can understand. Horn OK Please…of course, most natural. But putting “IT Professional” doesn’t make sense. Unless there is a harddisk pileup on the information highway or something…

Phew…rant over. Feeling good now. Back to work. Sorry again…if you read this…